“Why are you taking so much art?” asked my guidance counselor, repeatedly. “I think you really need more math and science.” Well, Mister Broken Record, I managed to graduate from college and find a job in my field without ever taking calculus or chemistry. But you know what I did take? Every available art class. SO HA HA HA HA HA I … Keep reading…

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Open your eyes, dollface: Jackets and ballet flats are the answers to your problems! There are two issues at my office that may be problems at yours, too: I’m never certain how far away I’ll have to park—a 10-second or 10-minute walk to the door—and I can’t be sure if I’ll be hot or cold at my desk. Nothing makes you reevaluate … Keep reading…

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I distinctly remember the conversation. “So, whadya want for Christmas? No, like specifically. You’ve got to want something. Please tell me exactly what it is.” Since our first gift-giving Christmas together—you see, we started dating right around the holidays, so for our first actual Christmas he technically bought me food from the Springfield, Ill., Denny’s, as we weren’t on gift-giving terms yet—it … Keep reading…

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The first thing I said when I crawled out of bed this morning was, and I quote, “Damn you, Jillian Michaels!” Why would I curse the name of a famed fitness guru I’ve never met? I tried  her Yoga Meltdown DVD and it kicked my sorry ass. My sorry, lazy ass that hates exercise and refuses to stop ordering pizza and donuts and … Keep reading…

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