We went to see Jurassic World over the weekend, and all I could think of was one of my all-time favorite conversations with my mother: I was probably about fourteen, and we were sitting in her car talking about science. “With everything they can do now, I don’t understand why they haven’t cloned dinosaurs and stuff, like they did in Jurassic Park. They can do all kinds of things! I’m just surprised that hasn’t actually happened.”
My mother furrowed her brow and turned her head to me slowly. With great emphasis and an intense tone, she wrapped up our conversation in five simple words. “Did you SEE Jurassic Park?”
Valid point, Mom.
Honestly, if the movies taught me anything, it’s that Jurassic Park would totally work if they only brought back herbivores. (In movie world, I mean, because in the real world I don’t know jack shit about science, and from what I can see every bit of dino-sci I thought I knew was a lie.) Why bring back carnivores, fictional Jurassic Park characters? To scare people? To draw crowds? Did you learn NOTHING across four movies? As a marketing professional, I’ve gotta say that if you can’t keep Herbivore Island an interesting tourist destination, you’re simply not trying hard enough.
In case you were wondering, Jurassic World was really good. I don’t know if spoilers for a movie like this really exist, as you can already guess what happens — scientists make dinosaurs, that’s a terrible idea, someone talks about why it’s a terrible idea, children end up without an adult, etc. — but I still won’t go too far into the plot. So long as you don’t mind the predictability, this flick is a fantastic way to spend two hours. Actually, it was a little longer than that, so spring for the popcorn.
Now, anyone else feeling a little mad about the Mesozoic Era? Let’s dig in, shall we? (Har har, dino puns.)
- The only way I’d let a velociraptor near my wedding.
- Lies, lies, so many dino lies.
- Anyone else miss the brontosaurus way more than Pluto? (Also, can you believe when we have kids they’re gonna be all, “OMG PLUTO WAS A PLANET WHEN YOU WERE A KID YOU’RE FUCKING ANCIENT!”)
- Acapella’s not my thing, but these costumes are spot-on.
- Using video editing skills for really important dinosaur videos, duh.
Let’s be honest, Jurassic Park: There was only one time dinosaurs and humans interacted peacefully, and it was when they made hilarious pets.